Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Monster movies become more difficult to pull off as the years go by. When we think of a monster, almost all of our perceptions rely heavily on pre-existing stories - werewolves, vampires, swamp things - or misunderstood ferocious friends - Monsters Inc., Gremlins. On top of this, the horror movie scene has gone a long way since the respective heydays of Universal or Hammer villains, and a lot of moviegoers find the more humanly-based frights scarier. Monsters are something that kids fear are lurking under their beds; adults fear other people.

What Jeepers Creepers proves is that a scary monster movie relies not only on a creature that regular adult viewers can actually find terrifying, but on crafting a terrifying viewing experience. The suspense created by Victor Salva and his amazing crew has made this movie stand out in my mind for the past fifteen-odd years. The way they construct realistic yet engaging dialogue is an added bonus. I understand that this may be a controversial opinion: the movie may be lumped in with Juno (2007) and found obnoxious and irritating by some people because of the script style, but for someone of my generation and sense of humour, it is a very welcome departure from normal horror dialogue.

What is Michelle Duggar's vagina doing here?

Trish (Gina Philips) and Darry (Justin Long) are siblings driving the long way home from college at the end of the semester in a fucking sweet vintage automobile. Trish is riding home with her dumbass kid brother because she has broken up with her boyfriend, and Darry is riding home with a bag full of his dirty drawers for his momma to wash. They are cruising along the empty dirt roads somewhere in the Corn Belt of the US when they encounter an aggressive driver in a startling rusty slaughterhouse truck. After being run off the road, they drive right past the same truck, and a darkly shrouded figure dumping bloody-sheet-wrapped shapes down a giant pipe outside an abandoned chapel.

That youthful sense of morbid curiosity masked as morality that only those under 30 can muster (or at least I hope so) sees the two turn around and investigate. Darry insists that if his sister were at the bottom of that pipe, she would hope that someone like him would go back and possibly save her life, while we somewhat suspect that the testosterone and adrenaline rushing through his freshman veins is what is truly motivating him. She relents and they drop in on the chapel, and soon come across a weirdly sophisticated cavern of carnage. Medieval-style demonic figures are intricately carved into wooden furniture, and the ceiling is adorned with a mass of preserved bodies "like the fucking Sistine Chapel!"

Deez nuts!

The movie has already got the action going at an incredible rate, and it is not so low as to insert one of those the killer comes home while the kids are rummaging around it and we wonder if they will get caught and killed scenes. The kids get the fuck out and rush to call the police at the first backwoods diner they find. The movie also rises above the we've seen horror and none of the other people believe us scene at this point, clashing our main protagonists and the authoritative character parts together when our monster is finally revealed. The narrative of Jeepers Creepers makes an incredibly fluid job of abandoning cliche from beginning to end, without ever making it seem humorous or ironic like Scream.

Along the way, Trish and Darry come across two women. At first, they come across a house inhabited by a crazy old cat lady, played by veteran Eileen Brennan, which leads to perhaps the most amazingly sinister sequence of the movie. Later, at the police station, a woman named Jezelle barges her way in, acknowledged by the coppers as the unofficial psychic of the force. She is terrified, and knows information about the siblings' ordeal that nobody but the audience could. She explains that there is a local creature that wakes from hibernation every twenty-three years to feed on parts that it "likes", being drawn to the fear it smells in people. Even Trish tries to dismiss Jezelle as a creepy nutjob, but Darry's experiences at the bottom of the pit sees him fall hopelessly into her metaphorical arms.

Tree Surgeon, Have Axe, Will Travel

So what makes the Creeper, as played by Jonathan Breck, such an effective monster? Although the costume design is fabulous, Salva's intent for the character and its embodiment by Breck are the making of a true monster. The DVD features show the director conducting auditions for the antagonist as a "sniff test", and Breck's audition tape sees the actor snap into character before even entering the room. He even turns the door handle creepily, and darts his head around the door, sniffing and snarling like a beast, before literally rubbing cheeks with his stand-in actor, sniffing for life blood. It is such an audacious audition that intrudes entirely on the personal space of even actors, and Breck brings every ounce of this energy, and more, to his every move.

Not only does Jeepers Creepers start and continue strongly, but it manages one of the most memorable horror endings in 21st century cinema, which I shan't spoil here. I fear no dark winged beast that will eat my tongue in the non-sexy way, but the tension conjured by this movie makes me feel, time after time, like I'm standing on a trapdoor with a sack and noose over my head. It's like watching a guitar string being slowly and gently tightened, or even a harpsichord like in The Haunting, knowing that at any second that strip of steel will lick across your face before you even realise you've lost an eye and a quarter of your hair. Regardless of how I know this movie shot-for-shot and line-for-line, the imagery and pacing never fails to suspend my nerves on a knife edge. As long as you are the type of person that would tell your younger brother that he is a "ball licker", you will be in your element.