The Lion King (2019)

The Lion King may have just scooped the medal for the Disney remake I have hated the most to date. It doesn't seem to have any relation with how much I loved its original, or even the level of effort put in by the many hardworking artists who produced the retread. This movie has undoubtedly achieved something monumental, and that is photorealism, but this is its Achilles heel.

When I first saw the trailer for this movie, the problem that stuck out at me was the impossibility of expressing emotion through the look of the animals. We all remember the original sequence that follows Mufasa's death, in which Scar tells Simba to run away. The traumatised little cub gives one last glimpse of fear, turns on his heels and runs. But all that this situation gives us this time around is a lion cub running, and this is how the entire show plays out. All emotion has to be conveyed either in dialogue or in narrative, and because this is not pulled off, the entire movie lacks any sense of urgency, momentum or feeling. Even the speech feels detached from the animals, often coming off as more of a voiceover than characters talking diegetically.

Simba's excited face

The opening sequence is a shot for shot remake of the original's, and serves splendidly as a showcase of the talent and progress that the Disney company consists of. It looks entirely authentic, with beautiful use of lighting and texture, and oddly for a special effects movie, it consistently peaks during its scenes of bright daylight. The actual look, movement and texture of the picture is second to none, and should be recognised, but every other element is weak and drags the whole product down.

Disney's biggest achievement to date

Despite the narrative being copied and pasted from the '90s, the dough has been slammed down on that countertop and stretched to near transparency. The journey of Simba's fur (not a burst of dust that spells out 'sex' in the night sky) to Rafiki's hands goes on for a couple of minutes, allowing us to witness its progress through the wind, the water, and the digestive tract of a giraffe. Trouble is that we gain nothing from this expansion, and such attempts to fill an extended run time causes the film to drag a lot more than it should. Disney Classics were almost always succinct, neatly crafted narratives that start and end exactly where they should, but the live action counterparts seem to think that it's not a movie if it's less than two hours long.

Casting choices for this picture have drawn some attention, and it has its strengths and weaknesses. Prominently, James Earl Jones becomes possibly the first person ever to play the same role in an original film and its remake by returning to voice Mufasa, which is fun, but too many times I found myself thinking I preferred the way he did it 20 years ago. Donald Glover gives perhaps the best performance as Simba, although his younger singing counterpart surprisingly struggles. Chiwetel Ejiofor is forgettable as Scar, John Oliver's Zazu is nowhere near as entertaining as Rowan Atkinson's, Seth Rogen is amusing as Pumbaa. The choice that really got under my skin was Beyonce, whose participation as Nala was stretched with the addition of lots of pointless lines, and was outstandingly poor. Beyonce is not an actress, and her delivery feels totally without direction and mismatched to the action. What really slaps me in the face, though, is the fact that she sings as Nala in Can You Feel the Love Tonight? (incidentally, I couldn't), and minutes later sings as a regular soundtrack contributor, which is nonsensical and sycophantic. They clearly went out of their way to give Mrs Carter a bigger role than she is capable of.

You may or may not have noticed a pattern emerging. Disney's glaring sense of political correctness is evident in the casting choices. I get the impression that the company was proactive about the inevitable SJW force that would stamp their feet at the prospect of westerners telling a story set in Africa, and decided to cushion that fall by hiring a predominantly black cast. After all, the Disney Store pulled Maui costumes from their stock because crybabies whined that they were appropriating other people's cultures.

Simba's scared face

After the opening number, the action begins to step out periodically in its own direction, but this leads to poorly staged musical numbers. Another strength of the Disney Classic is the arrangement and choreography of musical numbers, which are always so polished in their presentation. This movie all but erases Be Prepared, which certainly contributes to Scar's apparent lack of character and motive, and I Just Can't Wait to Be King consists almost entirely of the lion cubs running. No flair, no backup dancing from the other animals. Also missing, much to my dismay was Timon's hula dance, replaced with a weird meta performance of the first few bars of Be Our Guest. This moment felt so entirely out of left field, and is just one example of Timon and Pumbaa's sometimes odd comic relief.

My feelings are far from original, but I hate what Disney has become - a lazy money machine. All creativity seems to have been drained from the company, which dictates to the  passionate and talented artists who ultimately make the picture. The sequels and remakes have left me wrung down, brung down, hung up and all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things. Despite its many ups and downs, Disney's origins are full of heart and passion, but its modern self has abandoned all principles. The Lion King remake is a prime example of its debauchery.