The Green Inferno (2013)

So guys, hands up who's freaking psyched for Eli Roth's The Green Inferno finally getting a release after a couple of years on the shelf due to funding issues? Two huge thumbs up on this end! In another Sleepaway Camp-type coincidence, I heard of the release a few days back and rushed out to get it, then rushed back home to watch it. I got straight on to my sister Relly, who as I have previously chronicled is a horror freak of intensity equal to mine, who, as it happened, was in the middle of downloading it to her hard drive. But she sternly warned me not to ruin anything for her, as she had to wait til the evening to watch it. So I bit my tongue, and kept it to myself for a little while.

Photos of Roth directing on location are very cute!

Is there any horror fan who doesn't like Roth's work? I mean, if you want to be a boring bugger, he can be childish or sensationalist, but that's where the fun is! Filmmakers have been experimenting with comic relief in horror, and of course with pushing the bounds of decency, for decades. Roth is merely one of the ringleaders of his generations of filmmakers. He cares about his movies being enjoyable, and compelling, and unexpected, and he pretty much always pulls it off.

I first read about The Green Inferno a couple of years back, when doing some more research about Cannibal Holocaust, and got worryingly excited at the prospect of Roth pulling an Amazon Cannibal trick, then seriously pissed at the prospect of it never being released. As time went on, it was dragged, kicking and screaming, further toward the back of my mind, until last week, I saw a promo Facebook page for it, and headed for the nearest HMV like Sally Hardesty through the woods.

Justine (Lorenza Izzo) is an uptight college student who's desperate to be cool and dedicated enough to join the bare-footed, beardy protest clique on campus. In her class, her tutor informs the students in rather general terms about the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM), much to the surprise and horror of the kids, who act as if they've never even heard of it before. If this is really the case, I ask A) Where the hell have you been?! and B) If you are so behind with world news and issues, should you be taking this kind of course? But anyhow, Justine half-heartedly attaches herself to this cause, until she is invited along to a protest meeting with the cool kids, where her blunt and careless attitude pisses off the lead protester Alejandro (Ariel Levy).

He is planning an expedition to the Peruvian jungle where they will save the indigenous tribes from loggers who threaten to wipe out their environment, with the help of every douchebag's best friend: social media. In a sort of last-ditch attempt to prove her humanitarian nature, Justine signs up, and heads off on the at least partially-dubious trip with a whole bunch of other young 'uns, who, naturally, are various shades of douchebag. One is a spindly stoner played by Daryl Sabara, A.K.A. Juni from Spy Kids, one is an alternative chick who chats bullshit about her 'next tattoo', one is a soft, lovable chubster, you get the picture. And for a good long while we wonder just how suspicious we are to be of Alejandro, and the expedition as a whole.

A very basic summary of this movie is Cannibal Holocaust x Cannibal Ferox + Eli Roth = The Green Inferno. Although the progress of the action takes nicely unexpected steps and turns, the group still, of course, end up at the hands of some local tribe who paint themselves red and shove bones through their noses and run around in just loinclothes and necklaces. You know the drill. And although Roth took the same questionable option as Deodato by employing real natives for his tribespeople, this movie is far slicker and more professional than the other two cannibal pics, and doesn't give in to the temptation to make it Found Footage (thank God).

The acting is nothing sterling, and there is some silly, amusing dialogue dotted about. There is also a shot of Eli Roth's cock next to a tarantula. Yeah. I noticed in the end credits that Roth is listed as Sabara's 'Hand Double', and when I thought about it, when else in the movie did we see nothing but that character's hand? Oh yeah, when his dick was in it. So there's a cute titbit of trivia for you... Roth figured his whole self wasn't needed for his traditional cameo, for his fabulous cock could do the trick just fine. There are some brilliantly unexpected thrills, and in short, I was not disappointed. I was taken aback somewhat by the Ferox ending, and the motivations behind it. But this is nothing short of Classic Roth, and I struggle to imagine what sort of typical horror watcher wouldn't enjoy it. Tuck in!